First, a rule to never break: Conversations are one on one where others are out of earshot. I don’t like being candid when others can hear, and I certainly don’t want someone feel as though they’ve been put on the spot.
Strategy 1: Observations that are genuine and truthful
“I saw your son reading that dinosaur encyclopedia at the pool during the rest period. It brought be back to when my son was that age.”
“Your daughter is in my Junior Great Books group. Did you know that she thinks about symbolism and metaphors when reading? Wow. It must be hard to keep up with her.”
Strategy 2: Honesty
“You know, we’ve struggled here. I think my kids are in a good place now. Please feel free to call me if you think I can be of any help in navigating the system.”
Strategy 3: Direct questioning can invite the parent to choose to open up or not
“Everything going ok at school for your child?”
“How has Mrs Smith been for your child?”
Strategy 4: Asking for help
I think I know as much about gifted education in my district as anyone but the upper administration at this point. I still find myself needing information about how things work at the high school, which teachers work well with asynchronies, and how changes in policies might affect children bridging grade levels. I continue to need to open up my network.
“Would you mind talking to me about science education at the high school?”
“My daughter is having some issues with social studies. I’m guessing your child might have encountered the same thing. Can you give me some sense on how to advocate for a better placement next year?”
A second rule to never break: I never make a call for a parent whether or not I think their kid is gifted. I don’t see the kid they do, and that’s fine. I still pass on the information that parents have the right to request individual testing when the child doesn’t qualify under group testing. So far, I know of 7 families that have followed up on this information. I thought for sure 4 of them would never test in. All but one of these 7 kids did. Simply put, these kids are unique. Just because they don’t look like my kids doesn’t mean they’re not gifted. And even for those kids that don’t test in, the parents are still reacting to a need not being met in their child’s education. I hope my other advice can help.
It gets more difficult when I can see why the school has turned down a child for an acceleration or accommodation my kids have. This inevitably brings up more direct comparisons between kids. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth several times with this issue. I’ve learned to redirect parents to see what the school is looking at with regards to such interventions, carefully explaining what “grade level equivalents” mean and do not mean.
What is the end result of all this?
I have a network of peers. We let each other know when we learn of changes that are coming in curriculum, administration, or policy that will affect our kids. We notify each other when we find out about a promising summer camp or weekend activity. We brainstorm with each other advocacy strategy when problems crop up, and we put each other into touch with other parents when it can be of help. We help each other weigh pros and cons of interventions with people fully informed both in your child’s abilities and in the particulars of the school system, the teachers and administrators involved. We share names of private neuropsychologists, cognitive behavioral therapists, and other specialists who can effectively serve twice exceptional children.
Most importantly, more kids in the district are getting the educations that they need.