A lot of 2e kids fall in a gap. A lot of these kids can use their intellect to compensate for their disabilities. Sometimes the compensation takes so much work that the child can’t qualify for the school’s gifted program (if it exists), leaving the child to suffer without services, not appearing gifted enough to qualify for gifted services and not appearing disabled enough to qualify for special education services. This is where a lot of the systems within a school break down.
We’ve been lucky that my kids’ issues don’t extend to taking standardized tests, and they both qualified for the gifted program. Still, when we started to get a much clearer sense of the kids’ difficulties, qualification for services wasn’t likely to happen. My daughter did ultimately qualify on a discrepancy model. I strongly believe that a lot of this happened because I have a very positive relationship with the school. I haven’t just failed to burn bridges, but I’ve built a positive relationship with those that matter. Here’s what I’ve done:
Maintain a positive relationship with teachers. I keep my communication down to a minimum when at all possible, and I’m exceedingly polite. The teachers were needed to advocate for my children’s needs in intervention meetings. More on this later.
Build positive relationships with the administration. One thing I’ve learned in this whole adventure is just how much control lies with the school principal. The principal manages and protects the teaching staff. The principal is the one who makes things happen, both formally and informally. That is, the principal is the ultimate arbitrator of teacher placement and signs off on a 504 or IEP (note: I understand there’s supposed to be a district representative at these meetings, but I didn’t see one until this year – our entrance into the special education world was literally controlled by the principal).
I need to be seen as a concerned parent, not a pushy parent. I need to be seen as recognizing that I am working from within the system to address a complicated kid, instead of trying to find the “best” for my snowflake. My approach has been to be seen as a problem solver, who views the entire school community as important.
I walk my kids to school each day. I speak to the principal every day about… nothing. I say good morning. I mention the weather. I thank him for being out for the arrival. I laugh at his large variety of crazy outfits (there are many).
When the school wins an award or there’s another school-wide success, I send him a note of congratulations.
Never in these interactions do I mention my kids.
The school is big for an elementary school and has no busing. Traffic around the school is a problem, and the behavior of many drivers (parents!) created some very dangerous situations. The district got a Safe Routes to School study grant, and I jumped on. I got together with a few very high energy parents who orchestrated a walk to school program and found ways to address traffic. This was a volunteer role for me that took two evening meetings per year, and I would volunteer to help with the walk to school day on the way to school. I was done with my volunteer time before school starts. We worked out rewards for meeting walking goals, and I would emphasize to him that my hope was that because walking benefits everyone (even those still driving, since there was significantly less traffic) the rewards should be community wide. Anytime I brought a problem to him, like ice on the sidewalk, I would thank him for solving it. When the ice problem stayed solved this winter, I sent him a note thanking him and the janitors for their continued efforts.
The result was that when we went into the meeting to qualify my daughter for an IEP, the principal viewed me as someone who was watching out for the safety and development of every kid in the school, not just my own kids.
I’m not suggesting that everyone go out and run a SR2S program (but OMG, it would be awesome if every school had one), but that you find something you are passionate about that has the potential to impact kids across the school and do it. A lot of this can be done outside school (& work) hours. Some things I’ve seen:
Cub scout/girl scout leader
Junior Great Books leader or Classical Kids
Run a Destination Imagination Team
Establishing activities for kids during indoor recess days
Designing t-shirts for “Spirit Days”
Shelving books in the library
Revamp the school website
Weed the school garden
Most importantly, say thank you. These administrators will need to motivate teachers and staff to do something different than their usual. Show your appreciation. I send a thank you note at the end of the year, delineating everything that went well. I keep anything that could come across as a complaint out of the than you letter.
What else is a way to serve the whole school? Any other ideas of things that can be done while parenting and working full time?